Not Normal

 

Two-faced, Chinatown, Honolulu, HI, March 2015, 
Nikon D600 © Steven Crisp 

Finally I understand

those who could not breathe

As I feel the tightness

growing in my own chest

What is happening now

is not normal

The threats that we face

are simply unheard of

How can the behavior

of one man, place at risk

a beacon of light to the world

and its great experiment

Until now, I’ve kept

my head down

knowing I would

do my part and vote

But now I understand

what the disenfranchised 

experience daily, and worry

right along side them

The head of our nation is

telling us what he will do:

Say our ballot won’t count

Refuse to transition power

Dear God, how did

it come to this?

Where are the checks

and balances to stop this?

I’ve heard the hypocrisy, the lies

Their words during the past 4 years

No principle, except win, whatever the cost

And I too cannot breathe

Knock-Knock Koan

The Gate, Kailua, HI, April 2019, Nikon D600 © Steven Crisp

Knock-knock

“Who’s there?”

“It’s me”

(Silence)

Knock-knock

“Who’s there?”

“It’s Steven”

(Silence)

Knock-knock

“Who’s there?”

“Please let me in”

(Silence)

Knock-knock

“Who’s there?”

“Nobody”

(Silence)

Knock-knock

“Who’s there?”

(Silence)

“Ahh, welcome, please come in”

No words are needed here

None are even possible

Awareness is the channel

Silence is the medium

Your mind won't help you

Thoughts will sabotage your visit

Opinions will clog the gears

Beliefs will bind you up

Can you be open to simply what is?

Leave preferences and judgments behind?

Acceptance is helpful as feelings arise

Surrendering to this moment is sublime 

That Mask You Wear

Eyes in the Clouds, Lanikai Beach, Lanikai, HI, May 2020, iPhone 11 Pro © Steven Crisp

 

Can you see that mask you wear?

What is its purpose,

and is it really needed?

Surely the world expects it, 

or so you believe ...

Parent ...  Child ... Adult

Boss ... Employee ... Unemployed

Artist ... Druggie ... Prim & Proper

Landlord ... Renter ... Homeless

Well take a look a that cloud, with holes for your eyes 

It's just like those masks you wear,

trying to solidify your identity, your role, your ego

But they are mere gossamer, 

flimsy and transient, 

impossible to grasp and hold onto

 when Life’s winds blow

Those masks you wear 

won’t protect you, and worse

They'll cause you to confuse 

the role with the actor

Would you like to remove your mask

 on your terms and not the whims of the winds?

Then look deeply inside, for your true Self 

behind the masks of your ego 

And find the solid ground 

of Choiceless Awareness

 on which to take your stand

Firmly, confidently, equanimously

To Do or Just Un-Do It?

Eye in the Sky of my Inner-Being, Lanikai Beach, Lanikai, HI, August 2020, iPhone 11 Pro © Steven Crisp

I mentioned to a good friend that I was spending my time and mental energies once again investigating spirituality, drawing mostly from non-dual traditions, since those are most resonating within me now.

I wondered, off-handedly, if such attention might bring my creative muse out of early retirement ;-)

She offered that you can't just sit around waiting for your muse, you have to "work" for it.  Put in the time, effort, and energy, and when the time is right, your muse will take over.  Almost a fake-it-till-you-make-it strategy.

As I thought back to when my muse was most present in my life, it was back in the days when these blogs were started.  At that time as well, I was deeply investigating spirituality, and asking many questions of myself, and no doubt, my beleaguered family and friends.  And indeed, the muse did arrive as I was sitting at my desk, writing, or deeply contemplating some topic of interest, or reflecting on a book I was reading.  So there did seem to be a push-pull relationship with her (my muse is definitely part of my feminine side).

Yet, the non-dual traditions make the point that whatever we may be seeking (liberation, enlightenment, wisdom, or even God) is actually already a part of who we already are, just as we are.  It can't be any other way.  So rather than "seeking" outside for something we lack, we need to quiet our mind/ego and look deeply within.  Peel away, or simply drop, the habitual reactions, past conditioning, subject-object duality, and all that conceals your true self.  It's definitely a process of "un-do"ing rather than a doing, creating, forcing, or even finding.

Hence the name of this blog.  That said, there is no doubt that this does take effort, time, concentration, and some education (either with specific techniques, or insight into the states or feelings one might expect to have along the path).  Unless one is blessed to have some unexpected glimpses along the way.

And so, it is with that acknowledgement of effort, or "work" that my friend said might be instrumental in bringing my muse out of hiding, that today I'm starting up more regular contributions to this Just Un-Do It blog and its companion, my Reflections of Beauty blog.  

We shall see what the effect will be.  It will be another experiment of sorts.  Calling on my inner-scientist to see if we (my muse and I) can discern the subjective realities of our inner being.  And I plan to follow that path to wherever it may lead and Just Un-Do It.

The Life You Save May Not Be Your Own

A nice short 3-minute audio interview.  Listen (below) after reading the intro above.

I find this noteworthy, both reflecting on systemic racism and bigotry, especially from my parent’s generation (I too was in high school during school desegregation), and sadly still prevalent in many parts of our country.

But it's also noteworthy, for how many people help us along our journeys.  We may think we are independent, self-reliant individuals, but that is just our ego taking credit where it is likely not deserved.  We are much more inter-dependent than we think.  Again, our ego hopes we don't come to that realization. "Lalalala, I can't hear you", it says.

Here's the link to the StoryCorps interview:  http://www.karmatube.org/videos.php?id=7788

I am so grateful for all of the help and good fortune I received along my life’s trajectory.  And I've had it much easier that most people (e.g., white, male, loving family, privileged upbringing, etc, etc.).

Anyways, just thought you might find this interesting.  

Do You Have ... Enough?

Mercedes Grill, Lanikai, Hawaii, January 2019,, Nikon D600 w/FX 16-35mm lens, Focal length 32mm, 

Exposure 1/40 sec @ f4, ISO 500, Exposure bias +1.67 ev, no flash © Steven Crisp [Click on the photo to enlarge]

Really, do you have enough?

Please take stock.  Make an inventory.  Tally up the books, check the coffers, how's your cash flow?

Please check and see what it is you need/want/desire/are working for/trading your Life for right now.

Maybe what you have is all you really need?  Wanting what you already have is surely the easiest path through Life.  It's a way of living.  A way of Being in the world.

And are you grateful?  Really, deeply grateful?

And are you generous?  What are you willing to give to those less fortunate than you?  Do you?

Some are conditioned by parents, friends, media (social and otherwise), business and advertisers to see the world from a perspective of scarcity/competition/get all you can while you can.

Indeed, it is more remarkable when we find someone who lives from a perspective of plenty, of "having enough".

This is an area that I continually struggle with, and need to learn and practice with new perspectives.

And I came upon this short 10 minute video which touches on this topic and so many others.

Amo La Vida from ServiceSpace on Vimeo.

(Love Life)

I hope you will watch this, with undivided attention, with openness, curiosity, and awareness, when you have 10 minutes to give just to yourself, for yourself.

And if you find it at all interesting, I encourage you to sign up for Nic Askew's mailing list of short, weekly films.

"The mystery's so huge, so big, so infinite"

The Expiration Date

Yeah, that's right.  This primary purpose of this is post -- to show you a 6 minute movie I just watched --- and it will only be available for one week.

The good news?  You know what the expiration date is, and if you find it interesting, you can sign up for more of Nic Askew's very interesting movies and inquisitiveness.

And guess what, each of us has an expiration date too.  As much as our ego's do their level best to ignore that stark reality, it's true.

The good news?  You DON'T know what the expiration date is.  Why is that good news?  Because if you recognize both realities (that each of us will "expire" and we don't know exactly when), then maybe, just maybe, it can get us thinking about our unbelievable good fortune to find ourselves in this predicament.

Think about it.  You can use the certainty of death, and the mystery of your time remaining, to really rearrange your priorities, if you so choose.  Or just to be grateful for each new sunrise, and each new breath.

So without further ado, since this one has a known expiration date of 18 May, have a look, when you are free of distractions:

https://nicaskew.com/collection/the-absurd-notion-of-one/

Nic is also the one playing the guitar soundtrack in the background.  I'll be curious to hear your feedback.

OK, this is the cheat code -- I just found a not-quite-as-good version of this video if you are late to this blog:

The absurd notion of one from Tim Freke on Vimeo.

So Who's Really In Control?

Listen, I know your family is well above average, just like everyone at Lake Wobegon.

But in case your statistics class does not cause you to question that, consider instead these insights from an unlikely source ... Dr. Greger talking about marketing and its role in the obesity epidemic:

So please watch this short (< 6 min) video.  Not only to understand how the state of your mind, and your mindfulness (or lack thereof), can leave your unconscious mind open to manipulation by marketing, and hence, over-eating unhealthy food.

But more critically, to make you aware of the science behind your unconscious reactivity to habits, cues, and triggers.  Surely we can relate to the examples in the video, even if we are positive that each of us is well-above average 😬

As I listened to this video, I was amazed at the connections between these marketing efforts, and what insights were needed to counter them.  It is directly related to the Vipassana Meditation techniques and objectives as taught by S.N. Goenka during my recent 10-day meditation retreat.

Really fascinating when you realize this is a 2500-year old technique, discovered by the Buddha through direct observation of his own mind and body.

To become truly free ... in this case from outside manipulation ...  

But more broadly from being controlled by our craving and aversion ...  

We must dig deeply into our so-called unconscious mind-body ...  

And through awareness, wisdom, and equanimity ...

Break the bondage of our habitual, compulsive reactivity.

So many connections ... all pointing in the same direction ... I love it!

In The Beginning ...

The internet served up something juicy today.

A scandal?  Injustice? Another presidential gaffe?

Well yes, of course, but that's not what I'm referring to right now.

How about something as simple as the Singularity!  Do you know what that is?  Does anyone really know?

So how enjoyable then, to skip the science, and go straight into poetry.  In three formats:

The first is the author Marie Howe, reading her poem Singularity, at the 2018 Universe in Verse gathering, overlaid upon an animation with background music:

Followed by the text of her poem (slightly edited since that inaugural reading):

SINGULARITY
by Marie Howe

        (after Stephen Hawking)

Do you sometimes want to wake up to the singularity
we once were? 

so compact nobody
needed a bed, or food or money — 

nobody hiding in the school bathroom
or home alone 

pulling open the drawer
where the pills are kept. 

For every atom belonging to me as good Belongs to you.   Remember?
Belongs to you.   Remember? 

There was no   Nature.    No
 them.   No tests 

to determine if the elephant
grieves her calf    or if 

the coral reef feels pain.    Trashed
oceans don’t speak English or Farsi or French; 

would that we could wake up   to what we were
— when we were ocean    and before that 

to when sky was earth, and animal was energy, and rock was
liquid and stars were space and space was not 

at all — nothing 

before we came to believe humans were so important
before this awful loneliness. 

Can molecules recall it?
what once was?    before anything happened? 

No I, no We, no one. No was
No verb      no noun
only a tiny tiny dot brimming with 

is is is is is 

All   everything   home

And finally, since I really needed to hear it one more time, Marie Howe just reading the initial version (with a little more background introduction) at the 2018 Universe in Verse:

The Universe in Verse: Marie Howe reads "Singularity" (after Stephen Hawking) from Maria Popova on Vimeo.

Enjoy!  Who knew we could learn so much from poets ;-)

We Are All Prisoners

I just came upon this documentary about the teaching of Vipassana inside a New Delhi prison.  It's an excellent movie, and I strongly recommend you find 53 minutes to watch it.  It might just change your life.

Interestingly, as I was watching this, I was wondering how this might relate to a recent meditation retreat I had participated in.  Both of them teach Vipassana.  Well imagine my surprise when I found out they were not related at all ... instead, the were exactly the same course!

So I guess that's what you get when a course is given for free, eh?  Just the same stuff used to try and reform hardened criminals 😳  In retrospect, I am not a bit surprised.

I choose not to talk about the specifics of my experience in the retreat -- in case others find an opportunity to take the same course, I'd rather let them experience it as I did, without any expectations or presumptions about what will occur.  This movie gives you a little taste of what it will be like, and that's just enough.

I will say I found the course had a profound impact on me, and I am extremely grateful for the opportunity to have taken it.  (BTW, my course began on 5 March 2020, just as we were learning about COVID-19; it ended one day early, because of plans to close national borders. The class scheduled for a week later was canceled entirely.  I consider myself very lucky to have had this experience).

I'll write more about some of my retreat experiences in the future, on this or another one of my blogs.  Until then, just consider that we are all prisoners, but only some of us are "doing time" 😬

What do I mean?  Mainly, that we don't see reality as it truly is.  Some examples:

We have a comparative mind, that sees things as good and bad, right or wrong, easy or difficult, beautiful or ugly, or gradations in-between.  That comparative mind is part of what keeps us behind bars.  In reality, things are simply as they are, without any judgments applied to them.  That's just Life!  It is we that apply the labels, perform discrimination, and jump to conclusions.

We also -- by our nature, and as part of society's conditioning -- create a "self" (including the ego) to navigate in our world.  By trick of nature, we think this self is constant and enduring, even though we can see frequent dramatic changes in ourselves as we navigate through life.  There is no permanent, unchanging self.

Finally, we inherent and are conditioned over time with traits and habits that become seemingly "hard-wired" into our being.  These habits can govern our responses to situations, even without any mediation by our rational mind.  These "reactions" are there for evolutionary reasons, but when they are not saving our life to pass along our genes, they can bring us suffering and misery.  Because we think and say and do things in the heat of the moment that we wish we hadn't, and bring harm to others and/or to ourselves.

That's how some of the prisoners in the movie came to be behind bars, and luckily, we have avoided that fate.  But the important point is that these "reactions" can be lessened or eliminated over time, or as Victor Frankl wrote:

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. 
In that space is our power to choose our response. 
In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

Viktor Frankl, Auschwitz Survivor 

And all of that can help us to become equanimous to all that Life brings to us, moment by moment.  This equanimity gives us the opportunity to apply wisdom and discernment when making decisions, setting intentions, or dealing with challenging situations.  And with that insight, we can liberate ourselves.

Did you know you were subsidizing that?

Well this was an eye opener.  Please watch this 5 minute video above.

And this is much more than just an explanation of Government largess and its role in obesity.   It illustrates, to me, a fundamental flaw in this country's perverse economic incentives and anything-BUT-free-market capitalism.

Just imagine if instead of corporate lobbying and corporate profits as the levers of Government, we included things such overall health (not health system profits) of our population.  That would put primacy on the food that we were subsidizing to be health-promoting, which would mean a whole-food, plant-based diet.

Traditionally, this food is among the cheapest ... that's why it's often called peasant food.  Yet now we have tax payer subsidies -- your money -- going to pay for food that is actually causing the majority of our major causes of death!  Which of course, in a perverse way, is also a subsidy to our broken health care system.

This seems relatively straightforward to fix; we have precedences.  We basically need to flip the current model on its head.  We need to DIS-incentivise unhealthy eating (and therefore unhealthy food production).  We can do that the same way this country successfully took on the tobacco industry and the alcohol industry -- through increased taxes, not subsidies, through controls on advertising, and ultimately through health insurance pricing that recognizes diet as an explicit risk factor.

But there is even a larger framework here.  Our system, as it stands, values GDP and corporate profit over everything else.  What about flipping that model on its head as well.  Why not look for the levers that would instead promote citizen health, happiness, education, reduced income inequality, safety, diversity, civility, and equal justice.

Again, we know this can be done; there are many models in the industrialized world that promote most of these objectives.  This just requires Americans to wake up to what is really going on in our country.  And, for me, this video was a surprising wake-up call.

Here's to us making changes that help the current generation, and even more importantly, future generations of our citizens to prosper, in health, in happiness, and financial security.

This is Gonna Be a Disaster!

Tsunami? No, but not "The Eddie" either, North Shore, Oahu, HI, February 2016, 
Nikon D600 with FX 28-300mm VR lens,122mm, 1/640 sec @ f13, ISO 320, -0.67 EV, no flash © Steven Crisp 

There is an instinctual tendency of your mind to do “disaster planning”.  Have you noticed it?  It doesn’t matter if you are in a stressful or emergency situation — it will happen anytime.  

For example, I might be on vacation, sitting on a patio overlooking the ocean.  Waves breaking the reef, sun glistening on the water, clouds floating by quietly overhead.  A more tranquil setting would be hard to find.  

And then *boom*, I notice my mind (on its own) has gone into disaster planning mode.  What if a giant tsunami followed one of those waves.  I’d see the water rush away from the coast back into the sea.  Would I recognize it is an impending tsunami?  If so, how fast could I react?  Where are my escape routes?  Would I climb on the roof of this building, or seek higher ground?

And in those moments, I am no longer “aware” of the tranquil setting that is my current reality, and instead have defaulted to disaster planning.  I can feel my chest tighten, my heartbeat increase, my skin start to tingle.  

Now if I decided, consciously, that this was a good time to rehearse such a scenario — fine.  That would be a deliberate and conscious plan to become prepared.  But that’s not what is going on.  It is operating in the background, taking me out of the present moment, and disturbing my inner peace and tranquility.

Evolution “thinks” this is fine — “it” only cares about my survival and the ability to pass on my genes …. my “raison d’etre.”  But personally, I’m more interested in my peace and tranquility at this point in my life — my two children now take over the role of gene transporters.  

So what is my point?  Only this:  you can and should gain control over your mind.   This is what "Mindfulness” is all about.  Use your thinking, rationale mind, as a tool, but keep it under your control.  If you stop and settle your mind for a few minutes every morning, you will notice you do not have that control as default.  That capability must be developed and strengthened just like any muscle exercise.  But it can be done.

And if you want to be Mindful, in each moment, with full awareness and acceptance of whatever situation you are in, this is something you should pursue.

Oh yeah, and speaking of being Mindful:

How are you walking through life?  Time to "no-think" like your dog, and just be aware.

Namaste.